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Your Magic: the Gathering Horoscope

by: Starlit Angel


Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your week promises to be a terrible one. The stars are badly aligned and you would do well to stay in the barn. If you don't run after any strange goats, you may just get through the week in one piece.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Long held assumptions are called into question. You'll find plenty of bovine excrement, but not all of it is yours. Red is not your color, but prepare to see plenty of it anyway.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Your abilities will be doubted by your closest relatives. Be pro-active and start doubting them before they doubt you. That'll show 'em. If your name is Stangg, be prepared to deal with an obsessive stalker that looks just like you.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
Confront your fears. Always remember nothing can hurt you, unless you let it. Especially nothing green. For the smaller among you, be prepared to do some studying this week, because it will lead to great success.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)
You're always trying to be the tough one, but don't be afraid to show your sensitive side. Dressing up like a goat will make some Aries curious enough to investigate you. Voila, instant Happy Meal. If you're from Mtenda, make sure you drink before you start hunting, or you'll end up letting easy prey escape.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Change is in the air. You'll meet a Scorpio that'll change your life, or at least your starsign. But be careful! Make sure you're protected or you'll end up with a poison counter or two.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
This is not your week. The wrong stars are wrongly aligned. You are off-balance, so now is not a good time to try your hand at tight-rope walking. You'll meet a woman named Rashida who has it in for you.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
This week it's your turn to be lucky in love. You'll meet an eager, but inexperienced partner. As long as you're careful with your stinger, you're destined to be very happy together.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Set your sights high and aim for the skies. Don't wait for Cupid to shoot his arrows of love. Your aim is better, so take the little twerp's arrows and start looking for a mate yourself.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
You will be accused of some terrible murder, so make sure you have a solid alibi for every day of the week. On closer investigation, you'll find a Leo who's been impersonating you. Forgiveness is big for you this week, but be prepared to run if you catch the Leo drooling while looking at you.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Your leadership abilities will get a chance to shine this week. Fish will look to you for guidance and approval. Neptune is aligned perfectly to boost your confidence and strength. Whatever you do, don't pursue any kind of romance, this week. Your watery nature will quench the flames of love.

Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
A strange person will ask you to follow him. Humor him, it'll be a laugh. This may be the perfect week to go back to school, but beware of fishing rods.





 
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